Bend And Break
by Nanaki BH
Summary: Snake x Otacon One night, Otacon's sensitive mentality leads him to divulge a little more information to Snake than he would have liked. Language, shounenai, you know the drill.


Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear or any affiliated material. It is all © Konami. The song, Bend And Break, is © Keane. The story is mine. Don't archive without my permission.

Bend And Break

By: Nanaki BH

A dull glow surrounded the moon as it hung in the sky, waiting for the sun to finish its act. It wouldn't be long before its dancers, dressed spectacularly, came to the stage as well. Even though somewhere people were enjoying the clever scene change, for two men that night, there was no peace. Their drive home was silent and their eyes were fixed to the road. They cared of only one simple thing: their lives. Their hearts were heavy; one filled with guilt and one just in pain. When night finally closed in on all sides they came in sight of their apartment.

Snake dragged the stinger's case out of the back seat. He took a moment to gain back his lost strength. He put a hand to his aching back. Groaning softly, he looked to the sky above. "Better hurry," he said. His voice was softer than usual and Otacon noticed. "Those clouds are pretty close."

Otacon paused after he opened the opposite car door. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and took note of the sky's cover. His heart sunk. "Rain," he muttered. A large drop of rain hit his right lens and he flinched. Snake was right; they didn't want to get any of the equipment wet. He grabbed his briefcase from the seat and put his laptop under his arm.

He stopped before the apartment door and set down the briefcase so he could fish the key from his pocket. The card was scanned and the door's lock gave a consenting click. He opened it quickly and grabbed his briefcase, laptop still under his arm. That way, he leaned against the door to keep it open. Snake was having some trouble though. It took him a couple times before he could hoist the stinger over his shoulder. Still, he stood with labored breathing, tired from the day's demands. Otacon was concerned for him, but Snake was just as concerned for the young scientist. To the onlooker, nothing was wrong with him, but Snake knew everything that went on inside him.

"Need any help?" Otacon offered.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about me. You've got your hands full yourself." The sneaking suit showed off every straining muscle so nicely. Otacon found himself secretly admiring him. He'd been attracted to him the moment they met. He so deeply believed in what Snake had said to him that night at Shadow Moses. Love could bloom anytime, anyplace. It was only coincidental he'd fallen for him then.

At the door's frame, Snake momentarily paused to rest. "Are you sure you're okay?" Otacon asked, his gentle voice showing his concern. Snake gave a grunt and a nod and proceeded into the building. The younger man let the door close silently behind him. His glasses fogged at his first few steps into the foyer. He frowned. This wasn't good. He looked around and the world was a blur before him. He had the elevator key in his pocket… he didn't want to put his stuff down… but he couldn't see. Snake stood at the elevator. He could see that much.

"What's wrong?" Snake asked.

Otacon pouted. "My glasses are fogged. I can't see a thing." Snake laughed, seeing how silly the scientist looked with them fogged. "Did you put the stinger down? Can you get the key from me?" he asked. He squinted his eyes and tried to make out what his partner was doing. He was getting closer, he could tell. The steam was beginning to clear around the rims. Geez, he thought, I could see better with my glasses _off_!

He was startled when he felt a warm hand plunging itself into his back pocket. Damn, he thought, knowing he must have blushed at the unexpected contact. Why hadn't he just taken his stuff from him instead? He tried to stand as still as possible, not wanting to give away how nervous he had made him. Snake's hand stayed there longer than he expected. It made him feel guilty for actually enjoying Snake's touch. Great mercenary hero Solid Snake wasn't like that. "Got it," Snake said. Otacon could have sworn he sounded… flustered? He was hearing things, he decided.

When the fog cleared from his glasses, Snake had retreated and was opening the elevator for him. "You coming?" he asked. Otacon nodded and walked his way from the door to the elevator. The stinger was this time kicked into the elevator. It made Otacon wince. Kicking a missile launcher into an elevator didn't sound like such a good idea to him. Then again, Otacon didn't even like to _handle_ weapons. Talking about them was one thing. He was always afraid he'd do something and end up shooting himself or somebody else on accident.

The ride up was nothing special. Otacon let himself lean against one of the walls of the elevator. His thoughts returned to what happened in the mission… it wasn't anything big, it didn't even hinder the mission in any way. But…

The sound of the elevator arriving at its destination removed him from his reverie. He groaned inwardly. He'd become such a burden to Snake. Was he really even helping him? Don't think like that, he told himself. Snake needs you. He was rewarded with a clap on the back from his Philanthropy partner. "Where's your cheery face at, Otacon?" he said. He could see that Snake was horribly tired. His hair was a little wet, his face was dirty, and his eyes were half lidded. A lazy smile was plastered to his face. Otacon grinned. "There ya go," Snake said, hoisting the large crate over his shoulder again. If only he knew I'd smiled because of him, Otacon thought.

"I'm going to guess you have the room key too, right?" Snake asked.

Otacon laughed. "Yeah, I've got that one, Snake." Outside their door, he put down his briefcase and laid the laptop on top of it this time. He didn't want to risk anymore uncomfortable encounters. At least not until he'd told Snake about how he felt…

"You don't have to call me that now," Snake said.

Otacon looked up at him, confused. "Call you what… _Snake_?"

"Yeah," Snake said, "you don't have to call me by a codename outside of missions. Save that for the codec."

A blush formed on his cheeks. He was sure of it. "Alright then, Dave." Snake grinned. It made his heart flutter and made his head feel a little dizzy. That's how he always felt whenever Snake acted so… nice around him. It was uncharacteristic of someone so tough. He hurried his actions, finding the room key in his lab coat's pocket. He tentatively stood and opened the door for him.

Still short on breath, Snake hauled the crate into the apartment. "Should I put this in its usual spot? You're not going to need it for anything, right?" Otacon nodded, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. He kneeled and picked up the briefcase and laptop in both arms. The door closed behind him. This wasn't the best of nights for him. His mind was swimming with emotions and thoughts. He set his armload down on the kitchen table and stole himself a seat. Snake was in the other room, shoving the stinger in a closet among hatboxes and the like. This was the best moment for silent reflection.

It wasn't like he wanted to think about these things though. He surely didn't. That night, Snake was passing his route of operation and at the best of times. A guard had found him and was holding him at point blank. The rest was all a blur. He just remembers being so frightened… and then being saved. Snake did it all so casually too. The table wasn't too comfortable so he rested his head in his arms, letting his eyes fall shut. Then he remembered. He opened his eyes suddenly and looked at his lab coat. There was blood on his coat. But… he wasn't hurt… He shut his eyes on instinct, feeling nauseous. Snake had shot the man in the head. Was it the only way… or was Snake really that protective of him? It was surprising to him that he'd managed to block the image of gore from his mind. A tear slid down his cheek without him even noticing.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dave was behind him, and before he knew it, his chair was turned around so he faced him. Snake kneeled before him, putting his hands on his shoulders. "Otacon?" He asked in a soft voice. Tears slipped from his cheeks now and he hiccupped, realizing just what a close scare he'd come to that night. "Hal," Snake tried again, this time firmer.

Otacon's mind was a mess of everything. His memories blended with feelings and thoughts. They rushed from one side of his brain to another and he hardly had time to think about one thing at a time. Before he knew it, his mind had made itself up. There was only one reasonable choice of action in his mind. He leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly to Snake's. His arms circled his neck and he cried in earnest. He cried for his own life, for Snake's… for what he'd just done.

Hal backed away nervously, his hands folded in his lap. The worst response he expected was… he didn't know; a slap or a punch or something. Snake certainly didn't seem like he would hurt him though. The best might have been some reciprocation, but he had felt none whatsoever. This was almost worse than the _worst_ he'd imagined. He received no response. When he dared to let his eyes meet Dave's they looked cold and distant, maybe even a little confused. What's wrong with him, he asked himself, was he angry with him? He was trying to form words, but he looked like he was falling apart. Otacon bit his lip; this wasn't what was supposed to happen. He didn't even mean to do that! He pushed away from Dave and ran to the door, opening it quickly and pulling it closed behind him.

"He... did… Hal… did," Snake uttered incoherently, brain slowing down. He thought back to what could have caused it. He'd always felt something for Hal. He was so small and delicate, but so full of everything that Snake wanted. His head ached and he realized two things. Otacon just ran away. He had the room key… the elevator key… _and_ the apartment building cardkey. Sure he could come back whenever he wanted but it was raining outside. His protective instinct kicked in and he jumped to his feet, tying his headband a little tighter. That other thing he remembered was from a little earlier. Hal hated violence and it hurt him to watch him get hurt every time he was with him. That night must have been particularly hard on him. For the mission's sake, he couldn't have stayed with him too long. Otacon had a sensitive mentality; leaving him alone after that must not have been good for him. God, he'd blown a man away right in front of his eyes!

He wanted to kick himself just for doing something so stupid. Still, if he didn't shoot him, who's to say Otacon would have been alive? It didn't matter if he was tired or if he was sore, he was going to find Otacon.

Snake threw open the door and ran as fast as he could. The elevator. He gritted his teeth. "What the fuck are you thinking, Otacon?" he growled. "Don't hide from me." Stairs… five floors of them. Hal always wanted to keep Snake well rested. This certainly wasn't going to achieve that. His boots squeaked on the clean tiled floors and he jumped down the first flight of stairs. Realizing that he could have seriously hurt himself doing that (as he could have smacked headfirst into a wall), he decided that it was best to _run_ the rest of the way. Sure, that wasn't the smartest idea either, but he had to catch his young partner. It was stupid enough of him to be out in the rain. Snake didn't want to imagine what Otacon might try to do out there. He finally reached the foyer and closed his eyes. What if he couldn't protect Otacon from _himself_?

No, he thought, he wouldn't let himself get discouraged. He'd find him. The streets outside were long and horribly desolate. The rain glowed on the pavement and had the most amazing effect in the light of the streetlights. A few teenagers were outside a house across the street taking shelter under a porch. They were drinking and being very loud and obnoxious. "Hey!" Snake called to them. One of them looked up and commented on something about Snake to his friends. They laughed loudly; that sickening sort of laugh that kids adopt when making fun of someone. Snake growled. "I don't have time for this, you assholes!"

The kids stopped laughing. The one who'd spoken to the others first looked up, seemingly insulted. "What the fuck do you want?" He yelled. Some of the other teenagers chattered amongst themselves. He caught one of them saying, "He looks like a guy from Iraq or something!"

He frowned. "I'm looking for my friend. Did you see anyone go passed you?"

One of the girls stood up and looked around herself. She pointed down the street, in the direction of a large wooded area. "That nerdy guy? He went that way." He'd taken walks through there a couple times. Someone, a very wealthy businessman he suspected, owned a mansion at the end of the woods. He'd made it back there once. There was even a mail box outside one of the long trails to the back. He hoped it wasn't private property… wait, who was he kidding?

"Thank you!" He called loudly to them. There was more laughing and he was sure it was directed at him. It doesn't matter; they'd actually been of some help. Where was he though? Was he taking too long? Would Otacon get fed up and just run back home without him knowing he'd gone back? Snake didn't notice as his own feet carried him swiftly to the woods. It was dark, still raining, and he felt worse than he had before. There was a dull throb at the back of his head. His neck hurt. His back hurt. He needed sleep. Was it really his fault this was happening?

He tapped his foot, still standing outside. There were times when he didn't know what to do, times when he'd stand around and expect the answers to come to him. How'd he done it in the past? The memory of a little ring came clear to his mind. "The codec!" he gasped. Snake accessed his codec, taking momentary shelter under a low tree. He turned to frequency 141.12 and waited. There was a crackle and some static. A few moments later, he heard sniffling and a few whimpers. "Otacon? Hal, is that you?" Snake asked as gently as he could. There was no response. "Listen, Hal, I don't know what you're thinking."

"I know," he bit out, "you aren't like that. You don't want to be near me you…" He sniffed and broke out into fresh sobs.

"Hal," Snake whispered, "stop beating yourself up. I'm not angry at you." He was still quiet. "Hal… I don't want to have to say all this over codec. Please," he insisted. He gave no demand, but Otacon knew what he wanted from the urgency in his voice.

"It's nice over here," Hal whispered innocently. "It's very pretty. Stop by if you really want to talk to me. I'd be content to sit here all night if I had to." His call was cut. He sighed. This was ridiculous. Now he wanted to play games. If he were to find him, he'd probably find him cold and sick. At least it was better than cold, sick, and alone.

Dave stood wearily to his feet. He bent over at his knees. He was fatigued beyond anything he'd ever felt. This wasn't right. He continued on, tripping in the mud paved trails. There were trees everywhere. They were large trees, maple trees perhaps. The entire setting was ominous. The only light he had to guide him was from the moon far above. He cursed himself, thinking himself stupid for not grabbing a flashlight. At some point far into the woods, he stopped and leaned against a tree, closing his eyes. It was hopeless. He was too tired. Where was Otacon talking about? He'd been through the woods before. Shouldn't he know where this "pretty" place was?

Across from him when he opened his eyes was a ravine. He blinked his tired eyes, hoping he was seeing correctly. Indeed, there was a ravine that led… he walked forward… far, far down to a river below. No, he thought, don't let Otacon be down there. He couldn't have jumped that. He ran to the edge, almost losing his balance when he looked over. "Otacon!" he cried. "Hal, answer me! Where are you?" It was difficult for him to focus, but he could faintly make out movement. "Thank God," he uttered. He looked down, noticing that Otacon was safely at the bottom sitting by the river. It was actually a pretty magnificent view. He was right. The rain fell far down, reaching the river and adding to its raging force. "How'd he get down there?" he asked himself tiredly. There were no trails to the bottom; none for bikers, none for joggers. Actually, he doubted there _were_ any biking trails. Why would there be? Oh… how stupid he felt. His sleep befuddled mind couldn't find a good enough explanation to how he got there still. Was there a path farther down that could get him there? He didn't feel like bothering to find it.

Throwing caution to the wind, he stepped over the wooden guardrail and started walking as carefully as he could down the steep hillside. Even though leaves covered the ground, the mud underneath them shifted and he found himself having to move faster and faster to avoid falling. Soon he wasn't able to keep up with himself and he fell forward, sliding the rest of the way on his stomach. Once at the bottom, he sat up and peeled off a muddy glove, wiping some of the dirt from his face. He stuffed the dirty glove into one of his side pockets and stood with some trouble. "Otacon?" He called again.

He heard whimpers at his side. The scientist sat Indian style near the river's edge. Snake walked the length there and sat down silently next to him. There were no words between them, no movement made. The rain continued to fall, appearing as small sparks on the water. The water itself was wild, hitting the banks, threatening to flood. Overhead, thunder sounded and a flash of lightening lit up the world around them. Snake noticed when his partner jumped and brought his knees up under his chin. He looked at him then, shivering pitifully under his drenched lab coat. Snake wished he'd thought to bring him something to keep warm with, but he hadn't even thought to bring himself a flashlight.

"Dave," Otacon whispered, "I didn't mean to do that. I," he bit his lip, "love you though, Snake. And… I can't help it and… I don't really want to try to _stop_ loving you."

Snake put a hand reassuringly to his friend's shoulder. "You don't have to. Just stop _worrying_. You've built your life upon worrying."

Otacon pulled away. "I know that, Snake. But you have to understand! I had every _right_ to be worrying! I just… wouldn't have expected you to get mad at me. I'm sorry if I've offended you." He buried his face his knees, his drenched hair falling in doleful strands about his head.

"Why?" Snake asked suddenly.

Otacon looked up with half lidded eyes. "Why _what_?"

"Why are you second guessing me?" he asked, apparently hurt. "You trust me all the time. You trust me with your life. I don't know why you thought this would be any different."

Hal sniffed, brushing a wet hand through his hair. "What do you mean? You aren't mad?"

Snake shook his head. "No," he said, leaning on a knee in front of Hal. "Far from it." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Otacon's, feeling them tremble. What was wrong now?

"You don't have to do anything for me, Snake." Otacon muttered. "Really."

Snake snorted. "My name's Dave, remember? I thought the common understanding was that I do everything for myself."

He laughed. That was something that softened Snake's heart every time he heard it. "So… is this telling me something?" he asked him, cheeks very visibly flushed despite the dark atmosphere. He was answered with a few sweet kisses. Snake rested his head on his partner's slender shoulder. That was more than enough for Otacon. He wrapped his arms around Snake excitedly. "I-I love you, Sn… _Dave_."

A gentle hand at the small of his back encouraged him to stand. "I told you, Hal. Love _can_ bloom on the battlefield, but as I said, if you love someone, you have to be able to protect them." He tenderly ran a hand through Otacon's hair and he contently closed his eyes. "Let's find a way home now, alright?" The rain continued to fall, and the scenery remained just as dramatic. Yes, there were people somewhere enjoying the moon and its stars putting on their nightly show, but only the moon itself could appreciate the show that had unfolded beneath it.

Author's Notes: Amazing! I finished it! Now… if you don't like the pairing, then don't come after me; too bad. I've already had people beat you to that! If you want to see more from me for Metal Gear, there _is_ a possible chance for that because I have another (mostly undeveloped) idea on the backburner. There's not much else to say, I guess. I hope you liked it. If you did and if you really _do_ want to see more, then give me a review and tell me so!


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